Christina's blog is off the chain!

Allright, as far as most influential blog overall, this is hard, one because they all offer so much and two because I, sadly, have not been really aware of all of them very long. Technology! A computer! -NOw there's something you can throw, Christina.
ANd with that I will say that, right now, the most influential blog I see is Christina's. Her blog on "THe three hour tour" in responce to what Sexton said about having only three hours to live, serves as a kind of reminder to me. NOt a reminder of my 'truest self' but of the state of illumination in general.
Shw writes:
"Even now, as I have no idea when my end (beginning??) will be, I have a sense of taking everything into myself. I used to be obsessed with the idea of capturing all the....beauty....the value of this world"
And I have known this feeling. Back before what I lovingly refer to as my own personal descent from grace, I experienced a period in which I shunned friends and social gathering, not from fear or lack of love, but for certain alchemical practices whereby I might have caught the burning embers of hell within my hand and cried out to the ebbing tounges of flame and called them roses.
I sat beneath a mulberry tree nightly, pouring all my attention into it, then focusing for long periods on putting all my attention into nothing: pointlessness, I would even sometimes walk the four acres of our ranch, in mimesis of the Islamic journey to Mecca, counting out three small steps before enacting a three part bow.
In this slow pointlessness I felt I could truly percieve the world.
She writes:
"It was, rather, a certain process. I would be struck by something....the exact light of a tree-branch lit by a street lamp....the quality of the sound of a single drop falling from an icicle into a mud puddle...the divinely infinite reflection of the sky on a street wet from recent rains. Rather than seek to capture it, memorize it, assimilate that vision into myself, I would identify it. I would give it the time and the attention it deserved in that moment, and having paid that spark what it was owed, I let it go."
In this state, the state of actual and raw experience, perhaps a portion of this is what Lear meant by "the thing itself" or 'the bare forked animal", we do not need to fit things into philosophies, capture with images or words, or even think a damn thing. This is Malloy sucking stones, but not in the kind of frenzied or obsessive sense, but a revrential sense of the innanity of life, the awareness expressed, not by Malloy, but by Beckett, who is aware of the whole P2c2E, creates it, spins it as a yarn out of nothing. He knows who malloy is, even if malloy doesn't, and we know who we are when we prostrate ourselves before the beautiful, take arms against despair and lift our hands to the sky.
Yes, this is not just personal realization, but apotheosis, a joining with the highest forces of the universe that exist behind the veil, bursting through the cracks with a radiance we only sometimes are capable of noticing.
But I see another parrallel here, and it is maybe less universal.
You see, I too would concern myself greatly with rather or not I was living fully, and would make sure my practices and secret rites were performed nightly, for the cult of Apollo was never my bag, and I would chastise myself if I missed a night for it constituted a lack of fidelity to the devine -the adultury against the holy by entering into the worldy that our Hebrew brothers spoke of.
At some point my practice wained, and I told myself that my impulses, all of them, were part of this world I was lifting.
I stopped being so goddamned highbrow in my practice of enjoying very mundane, or lowbrow, points of beauty in the world.
I accepted my impulses and in many ways became more whole for it. But this acceptance gradualy dimmed my radiant eyes, the edge of my knife grew duller, and in this spirituality I see the notion of the wheel of fortune. Samsara. Auroboros, or the more recent name: the eternal return.
Have any of you ever read THe Devine INvasion, by Phillip K Dick?
In it, a boy is born of Yahwey, who, in an attempt to avoid the satanic and tyranical government on earth, has been hiding out on a distant planet. The boy is Yahwey's spirit, or at least a part of him, and he is always saying that he "has come to bring a sword." That is, he is sick of that which is unholy in the world and wishes to bring about its destruction. But when he spends more time with a young woman, who is another devine emanation or aeon, he learns that all things are one. They see the beauty in all things, the most transcendent state. But then they even understand the purpose of the devil, and though they have locked him up, he turns into a cutesy wootsey little goat that they pick up out of the cage and admire. Her they are echoing Lao Tsu's idea that 'the high rest upon the low' or Jesus' idea that the kingdom of heaven is when the high becomes the low, and that this is the true kingdom of god. Of course when this happens satan escapes that he might again sow distrust and anguish in the hearts of men, leading to despotism, tyranny and another turn of the wheel.